Ask me about dating
I have something I would like to talk to you about. Don’t ask me if I’m free “sometime” on Friday night and say you’ll get in touch that night to “see what’s up.” Don’t ask me if I’m “interested in getting a drink sometime.” I have been talking to you, haven’t I? Do I seem like a raging nutjob that’s going to turn you down in a way that humiliates you in front of your friends, your boss, your extended family and national television? Are you really so afraid to ask me out for a cup of coffee at Starbucks and risk a .003 percent chance of rejection that you just won’t do it? My gender has nothing to do with my frustration here: it’s 2011 and I am not Suzy Homemaker from 1952 who follows rigid gender roles to a T (although I do confess to enjoying more traditional men).I am not doing it for my health, because I have nothing better to do with my time, or because you’re so goddamned interesting that I can’t resist your witty banter over gchat. I said this before but it bears repeating: I don’t want to “hang out” with you. I hang out on my friends’ couches and thumb through magazines while we gossip with each other. And while we’re on the subject of not “hanging out,” don’t ask me to come meet your friends at a bar, either. When I am asked out on dates with days of the week and times and places, I know the man is interested in getting to know me enough to actually put some thought into planning what we are going to do, that I’m not just casually “hanging out” with him and his friends. I know whether to get a manicure or do a face mask beforehand. Like, .003 percent, should Clive Owen show up on my front stoop with a package of Magnums. I should not be the one who has to ask men on dates — or limply not-ask, as is more often the case — all the time because they’re too afraid of getting rejected. You have to realize if we’ve been talking on the phone, emailing, and flirting, it means I am interested in you and your chances of being rejected are much, much lower. I’m as afraid of rejection as the next human being but I’m willing to risk it if it means a great date with a wonderful man.They texted a lot and he “talked” about going out, but never did ask her. In fact, Jake told her the timing wasn’t right (here’s that post about how to understand men.) Below, I have explained why a woman should not take the role of initiator at the very beginning of dating. Now, if a man initiates, of course mirror his actions – return his call, text or email. For some women, this idea is very hard because today men and women seem so equal. Well you can do it of course, but you won’t find out what he’d do on his own, to pursue you – and as a dating coach that is most often the measure of how much he likes you. Talking about a date is not the same as GOING on a date. Use this to help you understand what actions you should take with dating. Following his lead by returning his calls, texts, emails and saying yes to a date if you are interested – that is your job as the follower. This follower role is only true for the initial phase of dating – the first 6 dates or so.At the start of dating, there is only one way to know if a man is interested in you or just blowing smoke with his flirtations. This is where talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words. In ballroom dancing, there is only one leader and only one follower. After that, things tend to balance out and you can start taking turns initiating. She should stop texting and flirting and move on to find a man who is ready to date and wants a relationship.I am a light-hearted person and enjoy talking and getting to know people.
Being a single mum its difficult to go out to bars etc…however I go to lots of other social events and functions. The flirting and spark is evident, but they just don’t ask.Like you, I would like to date 30 men in 15 months but how can I when they don’t ask me?!! Because I do have the confidence to ask you out on a date.Hi Ronnie – The Dating Coach, I have a question about divorce and dating.